Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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