this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
