I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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