I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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