We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
