Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
