She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
