im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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