I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
