is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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