I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize