the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
