i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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