There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
