wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
