my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
God I need to hump something, right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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