hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
