You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
