we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
