I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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