I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
