Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize