im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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