I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I party with great urgency now.
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