video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
COCAINE IS GR8
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
