Who wears a wallet chain?!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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