btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
