I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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