They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i think my cat just said my name.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
