I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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