Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
