hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
