After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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