i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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