I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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