i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
