holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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