When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
