the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
