Im at strip club and am horny
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
