you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
