in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
