so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
