I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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