Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
