If that was your dad, he is hot
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
