i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
