In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
