She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
