My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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