she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
