I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
