Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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