The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
