I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
