It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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