R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
