5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
