Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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