I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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