i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
