Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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