My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
