i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
