i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
