I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
tell your sister to shave her snatch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who died my cat blue again?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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