There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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