Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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