Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
