dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
whose ass print is on the piano?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Alive.
So much puke
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize